Right, so now i'm dealing better with her going out on dates. I still don't like it. Perhaps its not even right. I'm actually kinda grossed out by the thought of her going out with other men. i can understand why she wants to, but i don't want her to. Like i said, i don't think its even right.
So here is the low down, she really really likes me, she likes john, and she kinda likes Ian. Perhaps, it is right for us not to talk. but then, as a friend i'm gonna miss her, and like i told her, i'm curious as to her love life, maybe i'll ask her to keep a blog, or journa at home about what she does, and thinks, and feels, in case we get back together, we can talk about it. Even if we don't get back together, by then it'll be all good since i'll hopefully be over her. but yea, it gorsses me out to think of her with other men, as well of course as it makes me jealous. actualy if she figures out that she really wants to be with me AFTER all those guys that are after have gone through her, its good, (at least thats what i say now). I don't want her though to "Experiment" with half the male population before realizing that I've been here all along. Ooop, phone... Ha, i thought that was her on the phone damn it. but yea, idealy, since we are already in this situation, i think it might be best for her to just date this guy Ian, check him out, i kinda hope he treats her like shit, but i doubt that'll happen, since no matter what is in his agenda every guy will treat a woman like she's a princes the first month within meeting. Ya know, it really does gross me out that she could kiss other men, not to mention have sex with them. She says she won't, but she's very impulsive. "I don't want them to know where i live" hmm, you pull that al the time! I'm not gonna kiss him on the first date... what happened? "I don't like John" "I like you Miriam, 'yea i like you too John'". I don't know what to think, its like i want to be angry at her, but since i feel that i can lose her, i don't want to jeopardize anything right now. I want to make her realize that I'm a BAMF, and that she is putting me on the line here. Perhaps I'll start talking to angelica, though its gonna be weird, who knows, maybe i can make myself like her again.

In the end, i think if I can just get her to open her eyes soon, it'll be good, because after a while I most likely won't feel the same way about her since she's "dating" its pretty gross.

Thats gonna suck too, i'm gonna ask her not to go out with him the week i'm there, its gonna make things akward with me, i'm not gonna wanna kiss her, and i do. I want her to reevaluate the way she feels about me. Valentines day, i think, is my best bet right now. Perhaps after that, I will be able to warn her, that i'm gonna start moving on, which actually i think im getting better at, because i didn't cry today...

Still Loving you.

| The Coast>